Q&A with Sober Entrepreneur & Author Tawny Lara

Sober dating, NA beverages, intersectionality, & harm reduction

This series features conversations with experts who are sober themselves and working in the recovery space. Today’s conversation is with Tawny Lara, the author of Dry Humping: A Guide to Dating, Relating, and Hooking Up Without the Booze, co-author of The Sobriety Deck, co-host of the Recovery Rocks podcast, and co-founder of the vinegar-based botanical beverage, (parentheses). Subscribe to Tawny’s newsletter here.

You’ve been reporting on the sober and sober curious scene for more than eight years. What are the most uplifting, welcome changes you’ve seen during that time?

I’m so grateful to see nuanced, inclusive sobriety discourse because no recovery path is linear and no recovery path looks the same as someone else’s. We’re finally seeing more intersectional discussions and resources about how substance abuse impacts folks in marginalized communities at significantly higher rates. Being aware of these intersections is important so we can make shared spaces like recovery meetings and peer support groups as inclusive, understanding, and empathetic as possible.

On that note, evidence-based approaches to recovery are finally becoming more common. Harm reduction truly saves lives, y’all. I’m also grateful for the sober curious movement because it allows people to reevaluate their relationships with booze before hitting a proverbial rock bottom.

Your book, DRY HUMPING, explores “dating, relating, and hooking up without the booze.” If someone is newly sober or considering sobriety and worried about the implications for their dating life, what advice would you give them?

You’re not alone! When I sat down to write Dry Humping, I thought it was going to be a book for people like me, people in recovery. But the more research I did, the more people I interviewed, and the more data I reviewed, I learned that so many people are interested in mindful, intentional relationships right now. Hinge even conducted this study in 2022 showing that 75% of Millennials and Gen Z folks want booze-free dating experiences — even if they’re not sober!

Also, my book is essentially a treatise on liquid courage: why we’re all obsessed with it on a cultural level and how to embrace what I call *intrinsic courage* by figuring out who you are without booze.

I was also shocked to learn that some people just don’t drink alcohol for various reasons: medication interactions, allergies, religious or spiritual beliefs, health and wellness, and some just don’t like it. Meeting people who just don’t care for alcohol helped me get out of my shame spiral.

You recently co-founded a vinegar-based, non-alcoholic botanical beverage. If someone is sober but new to NA beverages and unsure whether partaking will support or endanger their sobriety, what guidance would you give them?

I love this question! As we see a continuous rise in the NA drink scene, it’s important to acknowledge the different types of people who buy these drinks. A shocking 82% of people who buy NA drinks also drink alcohol. I believe this speaks to my previous comment about how the sober curious movement inspires people to drink less alcohol because they now have interesting options. I believe this is another example of harm reduction in action!

With that being said, if the thought of drinking NA beer or a zero-proof margarita feels triggering, please please please don’t try it. Stick to seltzer! Your sobriety should absolutely be your main priority.

I also want to note that there are some interesting drinks on the market that don’t reference alcohol at all. We made our drink a vinegar-based botanical beverage because there’s nothing like it in either the alcohol space or the NA space. There are lots of incredible NA bottle shops popping up all over the world. You can go into a shop and ask the employee, “I used to drink whiskey but I can’t drink anything that resembles whiskey. I am curious about this NA drink space, though. What do you recommend?” Trust me, I spend a lot of time in these bottle shops. This is a super common question!

What are the biggest gifts you’ve received in sobriety?

Every single thing I have in my life is because I stopped drinking. It’s so wild to think about. Career successes aside, I’m most proud of getting to the root of my mental health issues that I self-medicated with drugs, alcohol, and other self-destructive behaviors. Now I have mental health diagnoses, proper medication, and an ever-expanding sobriety toolkit that helps me take life one day at a time.

Sobriety gave me the gift of learning who I am vs. who I thought society (and people!) wanted me to be. Sobriety is also how I met my now-husband. Being in a relationship with someone who speaks the recovery jargon and truly just “gets it” makes my own recovery so much easier. And of course, sobriety connects me to wonderful folks like you. 😎

Thank you, Tawny! We’re grateful for your amazing work in the recovery space and community.

We’d love for you (yes, you!) to share in the comments:

• What impact does sobriety have on your dating life or intimate relationships?
• If you’ve been part of the recovery community for a while, what welcome changes have you seen over the past few years?
• What do you think of the NA drink scene? Do you have a favorite non-alcoholic beverage?

And if you found this Q&A helpful, please leave a clap or 50. It lets others know there’s something useful here and will help us grow this community.

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